There is a deep hole within me, I am incomplete.
I am still opposing against the familiar temptation, like I used to be.
Can't you see I am fighting like a warrior? Can't you see the chain I am trying to break?
It is not out of me, it is out of Him.
It is a long journey beyond anyone can imagine. Yet I can clearly sense the guidance from Jesus.
He reveals unknown truth , removes the sight-blocking veil.In fact, He has taught me few awesome lessons regarding appreciation and true love.
He has gradually restored the nature He put within me during the time He created me in my mom's womb, which has been buried under the ground for decades, bit by bit, step by step. And I actually think the tardy progress is only due to I am a slow learner, He is just working according to my slow pace.
The most important one, He has shown me the way, the ultimate destiny I should go after -- Do not profane His name, pursue holiness, rebuild intimacy with Him.
This time I am not saying this with hard feeling. I truthfully believe that's the only thing I should do. Of course also the only thing I could do. I willingly surrender myself.
It is heart breaking to see my mom weeping, worrying and begging me to turn back.
It is painful to see that she actually can't understand what am I going through.
It makes me a sorrow soul to learn that my parents thought that it is SOLELY MY CHOICE.
The words that I utter, the meaning I was trying to express, always got distorted.
If only they can trust me.
If only they can trust me.
"Pray for me, that's the only thing you all can do."
And we ended our conversation.
The following nights I dreamed that I am losing my parents, the next morning I saw the bloody red moon.
I am not superstitious, but all these made me uneasy.
Just wish that ma and ba knows that, I am in God's hand, do not worry ba ma, He is leading me, taking good care of me.
And I love you both too.
Last word I would like to say that ...
Always bear in mind, man can never satisfy your true need.
Only He will.
Amen.
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